When I started this blog, I was prepared to share “life” as it was happening. That would be the gist of the site name. Without Him, I couldn’t walk out this life. And I know who holds me and those I love, in the palm of His hand.
Some days are just harder than others. Things happen that we really wish wouldn’t. We don’t really know how to react or how to ‘deal’ with everything that comes our way. But hopefully, we keep on pressing on.
Today is one of those days. A precious lady went home to be with her Heavenly Daddy and her earthly daddy and sister. It is one of those things that just doesn’t seem to make sense. Most of the family has been dealing with some severe mental health issues for years. She was the glue. Her youngest daughter has been amazingly strong throughout this hard road though only having just turned sixteen in March. Big plate before her now. Her older sister called me this morning, and although now old enough to have given birth twice, still sounds most times like a young child. It broke my heart, yet once more. For the past 10 years, this family or parts of, have been in intertwined with ours. I really hoped this was not going to be the ‘end result’.
My own folks have struggled with multiple and serious health conditions for decades. Dad now spends the better part of 3 days a week at kidney dialysis, which evidently is not a kind procedure to endure, let alone on a regular basis. And it pretty much shoots the rest of the day.
Mom, right now, is in the hospital, yet again, but in a different section. She had a pretty significant stroke, less than two months after dad’s kidney’s failed, which has change her life forever. It’s effected her ability to communicate well in writing, reading, often thinking and speaking, as well as some fine motor skills. She was an avid reader, a musician who loved to knit (and did so very very skillfully). Now she’s in a new battle that it seems has mixed her past and her present experiences, mindsets, beliefs and most likely reality. Today, there will be a meeting, at which she will be told, that she will most likely not be returning to her home anymore. Sadly, for any of her children to be there, would not make it any easier or better. Not sure where this is all headed, or if she’ll ever return to a state of mind that there can be any semblance of a relationship.
It’s just seems to be such a sad sad day. I think I may be crying a bit throughout the day. Can’t stop moving, there is much to be done. If we let things like this keep us from moving forward, there would never be an end to the barrage. I thank God that ultimately He has it all under His wing, and His purposes are just. I can see reordering in the midst of the chaos, and in that there is hope. But can’t say it’s much fun seeing those you love going through such pain. It is these times in which God reveals who we really are and what needs to be restructured, healed, rebuilt, removed and even how far we’ve really come. Will we allow, as a friend puts it, life to potter us? Or will we stay on The Potter’s wheel and allow Him to shape and mold and perfect us, fashioning us into a vessel that is a masterpiece. If we allow the trials and pain that we find in our path to cause us to be hard or bitter, we will miss out on the beauty they hold, as well as any hope for a life of love and peace. We will live for ourselves; we will shut out love, even though we don’t realize that’s is what we are doing.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4.
I did not understand this passage when it was first handed to me.. and am still working on the joy part. But in the walking this out over the past handful of years, I can see it’s truth. It is a truth that you really can not receive, except by the experience. Somethings you just can’t find, except from the floor looking up. And again from Romans 5 – “And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”
Hard truth, but truth all the same. Truth only found by walking through. It seems today is one of those days. But it is one of those days that’s taking me somewhere. And we’ll cry with those who cry, mourn with those who mourn and have patience and compassion on those who don’t know which way is up and maybe won’t even receive anything we have to give. God is still on the Throne, and He is still good. His ways are higher and He has the perfect plan and the best perspective.
God’s great mercy and rich blessings upon those today who are going through to the other side of the storm.