Another beautiful post from Bryan. You can find this post along with the his others at his blog site: http://readthegreek.blogspot.com/
Crushed under the weight of my circumstances, I cried out, “I NEVER ASKED TO BE BORN!!!”
Is there a time in your life when you could relate to that? Either you couldn’t measure up to life or life couldn’t measure up to you. All that was left to do was find blame somewhere, anywhere, other than your own hands.
I sometimes find it odd that my first real connection, my first honest words with God, were angry questions that He never seemed to want to answer. I didn’t remember a time before birth where I tossed up my hand during some great assembly in heaven and asked, “Here I am, God! Send me!!” So why was I put on the earth? In times of great turmoil I would almost instinctively turn to God even if I wasn’t sure He existed. Maybe I believed He did. Maybe we all do. But I certainly didn’t believe He cared. Believers or not, we all have this inner understanding that our existence was not initiated by our own will. At the very least, our parents agreed in deed to bring us into this world. But again, a deeper truth of His existence is revealed in all of us when we have been pushed beyond our breaking point.
My understanding of Him shaped my fox-hole prayer. When circumstances force us to lay down all pretense, social conventions, and manners, we cry out to the God we know. If we see Him as a cosmic overseer, we relate to Him like a run-away slave. If we see Him as an irresponsible parent, we relate to Him like an angry child. If we see Him as a predator, we relate to Him like a victim. Too often we see God like a super-powered human being: selfish, fickle, irresponsible. Like some omnipotent two-year-old in the sky who focuses sunlight on us through some giant magnifying glass in order to satisfy some perverse pleasure. If that’s the God you know, you have every right to be angry with Him. Without some kind of external knowledge or experience of God, who could say you’re wrong?
So I called God out on the carpet one day and demanded that He justify my placement on this earth, with this mind, in this body, and these parents, in this time. I got the vague sense I wasn’t being very smart. I mean, He’s God, He can squash me like a bug. But I was too exhausted to care. In fact, I wanted to die. It would be better if my death, just like my life, were caused by Him. I wanted nothing to do with it anymore. I wanted Him to show up or squash me. And nothing happened… Or so I thought.
What if the statement, “I never asked to be born”, is a valid and acceptable statement to God? What if He would say, “You’re right.” What if He did and does take responsibility for all of His children? What if there is a force underwriting every human being? What if He sent us into this world with not only a purpose but also a promise:
1 Chronicles 28:20
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.